After spending hours scouring the various markets and supermarkets of Beijing in an attempt to find a replacement part that would enable me to plumb in the washing machine, I was beginning to feel a little despondent. Would we ever be able to live like modern humans in China and possess a working washing machine? It seemed like a distant pipe dream and believe me, if having a working washing machine becomes a dream for you then you know things are not particularly rosy.

My last option was a supermarket about a 10 minute walk from where we live that we had only discovered was there recently. Not high on hope, I trudged forlornly to this supermarket to have a look round it in what seemed a token gesture. Sure enough, not a sausage (figuratively speaking, for there were plenty of those otherwise), nothing that could help me fix the broken tap. With a disconsolate sigh and the knowledge finally forming that I would have to hand wash all clothes from now on, I made my way to the no purchase exit. This, in turn, led me to a different entrance to the shop that I had come in and there were stairs to a small market underneath the supermarket. Without really thinking what I was doing, I walked down the stairs and into this hidden market to have a look around. The second stall I saw was filled up with taps and pipes and various tools and, could it be, yes, they had the very same tap that had broken in our apartment as well as the attachment that I need! Success, sweet, tasty, glorious success!

This time, knowing that being heavy handed can result in bad things happening, I decided to take my time and make sure that everything is working properly before I even begin to think about washing anything. In a brief discussion with another expat, I had been informed that the tap to which the washing machine is connected will generally leak, so there is no need to vigourously tighten the tap attachment too much. I went to work, carefully screwing the washing machine pipe attachment onto the tap attachment and then screwing that onto the tap. I tested the tap out, it worked, no leaking. I then placed the pipe onto the pipe attachment to finally connect the washing machine to the tap. It pulled the entire pipe off the tap, including the pipe attachment. So I started again, this time making sure things were a bit tighter than before (although still being conscious that I wasn't destroying things as I had previously). Finally, the washing machine was plumbed in.

Then came the acid test; washing some clothes. I grabbed some dirty laundry from the huge pile we have accumulated and placed it into the machine. In went the detergent, on went the machine, quick wash selected, turn on the tap. Waterfalls of water cascaded onto the floor and into the bucket (which was swiftly manoeuvred to pick up all the falling water). Still, water was being pumped into the machine; it was beginning its first wash! As soon as the washing machine had got its requisite amount of water, it began pouring back up the pipe, causing the near flooding of the kitchen before the tap was turned off. By the time all that excess had been mopped up, it was rinse time; back on with the tap. Again torrents of water poured from the tap but this time the buckets position was true and it drank thirstily.

Once the rinse had finished, the same thing happened as before; the washing machine pipe, requiring no more water, started sending it back out the other way. Again, having learnt from my first mistake, I was ready and the bucket swallowed the lot. We were into the final stage of the washing process; the spin cycle. No water required, just that the outflow pipe is placed in the bucket (check) so that dirty water doesn't spread across the kitchen floor. Surely there can be no drama with the spin cycle. I think you already know the answer to that. As the RPM of the washing machine barrel increased, the machine began to wobble more and more alarmingly. Before long it was walking across the kitchen floor, making what looked like a desperate bid for freedom. It was halted in its tracks when it pulled its own power cord from the wall. I managed to walk the machine back to its position and plug it back in. Fortunately, modern technology being what it is, the machine remembered where it had left off and started again from there. This time I was ready. Flinging myself bodily onto the washing machine, I prevented it from bursting away into the night. As the cycle sped up, the world became a blur and I fought with all my might to keep the machine where it stood. It was now making loud noises as though screaming for help as if being attacked but eventually it gives up the fight and the spin cycle slows and I raised my hands in triumph. I had successfully cleaned some clothes with the washing machine.

I was left to wonder, however, if it might be easier to hand wash everything.